I Ate McDonald’s in 3 European Countries Just to Feel Something

Shockingly, it wasn’t regret.

At first, I was like “I’m going to go to McDonald’s in Europe, but just for content! Lol!” 

… and then I went to McDonald’s in Europe, like, 14 times. 

It would be a real stretch to say that I did it out of support for McDonald’s being one of the first international restaurant chains in Russia to suspend their operations in protest of the war on Ukraine, right? 

I know. I rolled my eyes, too. International travel is full of opportunities to try new things - so why would you darken the doorstep of a McDonald’s?

Here is my truth: Doing new things is amazing, but it’s also exhausting. Sometimes, when you’re consistently surrounded by things that take effort to understand, you just want to do something you know how to do. 

I’d actually even go so far as to argue that going to McDonald’s abroad is still a great cultural experience. To know what’s important to a country’s food culture, go to their McDonald’s and you'll find it in a distilled, neatly wrapped, easy-to-order format. 

Locals love that it’s a more palatable way of consuming “American food.” Americans love the novelty of seeing it get twisted.

Some general discoveries: 

1. Austria and Hungary have gluten free buns on their menu. America - what’s the deal, babe? 

2. You can’t buy 10 chicken nuggets in Europe - they only come in packs of 9.

3. In Europe, food standards are more stringent than in the US - meaning your burger has fewer fillers, preservatives, and artificial flavors. It makes things taste different*.
   
   (*Significantly better.) 

Hungary

The good:

The Brutal Brutus burger comes with a hash brown and a giant onion ring on top of a beef patty - enticingly called “royal meatbread” online.

The bad: 

Instead of lettuce, your burger comes with “bird salad”, which I can only equate to the feeling and flavor of eating four leaf clovers? 

The incredible: 

The McFlurry du jour was flavored with Pottyos candy bars - a Hungarian candy that is essentially a log of cheesecake dipped in chocolate. 

Austria

The good:

The Big Rösti - a cheeseburger topped with Emmental cheese, bacon, and mysterious “big rösti sauce.”

The bad:

If you’re not in the mood for a Coke or Sprite, you can also grab a cup of Almdudler - Austria’s national drink - with your meal. It’s a soft drink made with “alpine herbs,” but I believe in unbiased journalism, so I’m going to tell you the truth: 

It just tastes like you let your ginger ale go flat.

The incredible: 

Emmental Hearts. Divine. I’ll eat cheese in any form, but heart-shaped, breaded, and fried is really at the top of the list. 

Poland 

The good:

The “Supreme Chicken Honey & Mustard Burger” - which was fried chicken topped with red and green cabbage, drizzled with honey mustard.

The bad: 

I did my research and planned to feast upon the “Lumberjack Burger,” which is the recurring winter specialty burger in Poland. This year’s came with cranberry topping - but alas, it was no longer on the menu by the time I got here.
(You read that correctly, folks. Not only did I go to McDonalds - my McDonald’s trips were PRE-MEDITATED.) 

The incredible: 

If the point above didn’t lose you, this will. Hear me out… the “Cottage Cheese and Radish McMuffin.” C’est magnifique.

This post has been eight weeks in the making, and along the way, there have been some pretty spectacular English translations.

You can think of it as America finding evil ways to infiltrate culture abroad - or you can see it as giving the people what they want*.
(* What they want is emmental hearts.) 

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4 Things I Consumed This Week: 

1. Pork. Ham. More pork. More ham. Sausage made with pork. It’s possible that I’ll never eat pork again after this trip. 

2. Half of the instruction manual for a washing machine that I couldn’t figure out how to turn on, which was written entirely in Polish and had to be translated line-by-line on my phone. Turns out - it just wasn’t plugged in. 🙃

3. Borscht. For 28 years, I believed this to be some sort of beef stew. To my surprise (and delight) - it’s soup made from beets. 

4. McDonald’s. Obviously.